Yearning and living.

I think tonight I'm in a very philosophical mood about fantasy and reality. Once upon a time I was with a girl who in first place was more like a fantasy to me. In a way she had a lot of Megan, because she seemed to be out of a dream and it blew me away, when I realised, she felt more for me than just friendship. I thought that all my dreams would come true just because she loved me and I spent two years of my life thinking that my fantasies finally became reality. Looking back on that now, I sort of still yearn for those happy days. They brought out the better parts of my personality and every day I got up I felt true hapiness and a sense in life. When she left without a proper goodbye or a proper reasoning apart from me being me and her being her, I thought I would be done with fantasy and reality. A few months of my life I spent living dead with no possibility of getting back amongst the living. What I had done was to take my fantasies for real. She never was anywhere close to the person I had imagined her to be or I wanted her to be and with the distance I think I do understand now, that we never should give all our heart to fantasies. One day we might wake up and the dream is gone. Still if we live our lives without fantasy at all we lack something as well. All my life I have been dreaming about what life could be like and these days I'm closer to the fulfillment of my sense in life than ever though I know that it might be just another dream I go for. But if I wake up one day thinking my last decisions have been just different mistakes to the decisions I took before, I will at least know that during the time I went for this dream I was very happy. So call me a fool, a dreamer, a light headed person; tell me I was fooled, taken for granted, betrayed - I will give you a smile and say "Yep, that sounds like me." I yearn for my dreams in my reality and the reality in my dreams. If you find a better sense in life, tell me, I would be interested to know. And by the way: I saw Megan's smile today when a stranger smiled at me. Somehow we are all connected, even if I loose people I dearly loved on my way - they are still there. The wisdom is not to yearn for a better world but that your yearning creates a better world itself. Thank you, Megan, wherever you may be.